“Stuck” and Unhappy

Growing and Happy

Stubborn and Rigid - Unwilling to try new behaviors even though old ones have not worked consistently.

Flexible – Willing to try new behaviors even though there is no guarantee that the new behaviors will work;  willing to go against the comfort of the old behaviors and the feelings resisting change because one knows cognitively that the old behaviors have not worked.

Not Willing to Face Fears – too afraid or not brave enough to face one’s fears by doing the feared behavior or behaviors.  If not faced the fear will remain and often become worse, as well as be accompanied by feelings of despair, depression, and hopelessness.

Faces One’s Fears – by taking appropriate action which usually requires tolerating at least some level of discomfort.  However, within a small number of exposures to the feared situation (usually one to four), the fear reduces substantially.  However, the feelings associated with the fear may not totally be eliminated for a long time, perhaps years.

Does Not Have Faith, Hope nor Trust – Believes that there is no hope for change and negates a therapist and other helpers by expressing this viewpoint instead of trying to make some efforts to improve matters.

Has Faith, Hope, and/or Trust – Believes that improvement can occur if one keeps trying things until something is found that works.  Trusts in the suggestions of persons who appear to be intelligent, caring helpers, rather than dismissing or negating most suggestions.

Blaming others or one’s situation or one’s past for one’s lack of progress.

Taking responsibility for one’s actions and/or non-actions.

Using too many excuses too often for not doing things

Rarely using excuses not to do things, and only when really valid.

Making minimal efforts and wondering why one is always at “Square One” – e.g. only going out out to meet people once a month or less or only sending out one or two job letters per month when looking for a job.

Making consistent efforts that are substantial in nature.

“All or Nothing” Approach – e.g. looking for one’s “dream” job when one has not worked in some years.

Gradual Growthful Approach – e.g. working for a time in “stepping stone” jobs as one moves towards one’s “dream” job.

Believing that success can occur without appropriate efforts.

Realizing that you need both “perspiration” and “inspiration” for success – e.g. you must do the tedious work of sending out many cover letters and resumes to get that job.  Dionne Warwick said she believed Whitney Houston would be successful because she was very talented and worked very hard.

Staying too long in a relationship or sticking too long to an effort that has quite a low probability of success.

Abandoning very low probability of success efforts or relationships for new efforts or relationships.

Non-sticktuitiveness – getting off track and not back on track quickly.

Coming back from failed efforts quickly to try new efforts – bouncing back.

Not seeking or asking for appropriate help when it is needed.  It is often said that the persons who need help the most are not in therapy.

Seeking appropriate help when it is needed.

Waiting until the worst point, when things are at the worst possible state, before taking action.

Taking action because it is growthful and preventative, not only in crisis.  Do you only eat when you are famished?  Do you wait to brush your teeth only after your breath is putrid?

Putting yourself down too much – often accompanied by globalization.

Accepting yourself despite your limitations.  Being frivolous about some of your negatives.

Getting upset about setbacks and hence minor ones may become major ones.  Also may be accompanied by globalization

Accepting some setbacks so that minor ones are likely to remain minor.